We don’t have a culture of tipping in London bars. It’s just not the done thing. Not because we are a tight fisted people more because drinks are already ludicrously expensive in most places and because, unlike other countries, being a barman isn’t seen as a legitimate vocation here, more of a stop gap on the way to something else. This is shame as other countries can do it so well. In the U.S the barman takes your drinking very seriously as you tip him after each drink. He’ll make sure your drink is refreshed before you even ask him to, he’ll give you some bar snacks and after you’ve had a few drinks he’ll give you a couple of free ones. There are no such things as measures either.
Here every single last drop of booze is strictly measured to make sure that you don’t have accidentally enjoy even one tiny drop, one wayward bit of booze vapour more than you’ve paid for. Bar staff will sell you a drink only to bark less than 20 seconds later “Ladies and gentleman can you finish up your drinks PUH-leese” and threaten to take it off you unless they see you gulping it down in the manner of someone who has just emerged from a terrifying, thirsty ordeal in the Sahara desert.
Maybe if drink prices were lowered just a smidgen and bar staff became a little more attentive then we could start a culture of tipping here. It’d take a while to get used to at first but as the smoking ban proved seasoned drinkers are a versatile bunch who can adapt to change easily. Incentives like the one displayed above could only help things along.
Spotted by Tom Cullen
I’ve lost count of the amount of time I’ve wasted walking from one shop to another, buying meat, groceries, transferring money, getting an online degree, receiving some consultation and having a dental check up like some kind of CHUMP, when I could have been going here all along.
This is the future. Prostrate yourself before it and weep at its glory.
Spotted by Tom Uprichard
We’ve all woken up at some point in our life with a knob drawn on our head after a night on the sauce. In pre-internet days these kind of incidents usually stayed amongst a small group of friends but with the advent of social media increasingly peoples shame is broadcast for the whole world to see. It’s must be even more embarrassing if you are major Hollywood star and this happens to you. Here we have evidence of Kevin Spacey out on a drunken rampage around Seven Sisters Road where he not only has a classic “cock n’ balls” emblazoned across his forehead but also seems to make the admission that his balls are bigger than his “peeny.” The usually eloquent Mr Spacey also throws all the rules of grammar out of the window in his admission, another sign that he is hog whimperlingly swigfaced.
Spotted by Ariel King
Hopefully this is just a typo but I’m sufficiently ill educated in the world of bridal wear to wonder whether this might actually be a thing. Going to the loo whilst wearing a wedding dress can’t be the easiest (I’ve watched enough Big Fat Gypsy Weddings to ascertain that) so I’m wondering if an enterprising dress designer has solved this problem by using the space available underneath the skirt to install some kind of elegant and discreet plumbing system for that special day.
Answers on a postcard please
Spotted by Natasha Magennis
Pain and friendly advice aren’t two things you’d immediately associate with each other. In fact they seem totally at odds. The whole idea of friendly advice to give advice in a manner that puts the advisee at ease, in a mental place that’s comfortable and leaves the advisee open to new concepts and idea. This would all be ruined if say you went to visit a friendly lifestyle coach and they said “Nice to meet you, we’re going to work through some of your problems today and see if we can get you back on track….the one thing is, and I know this might sound unusual, you are going to have to be flogged mercilessly with barbed wire throughout the entire session. I know it sounds weird but the orders come from above, it’s out of my hands I’m afraid”
Spotted by Andy Issac