Shit Londoner Sooz Chandler … “I spotted this chap on the overground. I have no explanation for his attire – daubed in yellow face paint, he was alone, although on his mobile phone for the journey and it was the middle of the afternoon.
I almost wish I’d followed him, but I think I prefer imagining he was on his way to Canary Wharf.”
Shit Londoner Gordon C sent this photo in saying “I spotted this on the Central Line the other day – whoever chose to make the amendments to this ad obviously aren’t fans of the standard, but I found the second point unexpectedly deep and existential. I was left pondering “life is elsewhere..” during rush hour, and all that came to mind was a great picture opportunity for Shit London.”
Whitney Houston once sang …
“I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children’s laughter remind us how we used to be”
…which is touching enough if you’re a sentimental fart too old to remember the capacity for evil that all children possess. Don’t try to tell me that kids don’t know what they’re doing when week after week on You’ve Been Framed you can witness at least 4 or 5 clips of children whacking adult males in the nether regions with fists, oversized toy golf clubs or cricket bats. I’m speaking from experience here, having been viciously rabbit punched in my left testicle by an 8 year old a couple of years ago. I still break out in a cold sweat thinking about the pain and, now and again, worry about my subsequent fertility. People have said that it was my own fault, that perhaps I shouldn’t have been waving my penis around in the kids face like that. They may have a point.
Spotted by Abby Waldman
I’m mystified by much of the debate surrounding Lana Del Ray. Some people seem genuinely outraged that Lana Del Ray is not her birth name, that she might not have always had this slightly trashy 1960′s look or indeed have had half the emotional turmoil in her life that she sings about. Where’s the issue here?! Do people believe that Lady Gaga was born fully formed and wore meat dresses and telecommunication devices on her head all through her youth? No. Do they know that The Beatles didn’t all live on a yellow submarine? If your cultural taste demands strict realism at all times then perhaps pop music isn’t the best art form for you. The most preposterous of the allegations levelled at Del Ray is the suggestion that she may have had some kind of cosmetic procedure to accentuate her lips into the bee stung pout she sports. May I respectfully ask, and out of a genuine sense of curiosity…who cares if she has anyway? This tube passenger at Queensway obviously does.
Some people might say that this kind of humour is puerile, ridiculous even and to laugh at it is a clear indicator of an immature mind. Those people would be right.
Spotted by Sue Condon
(Heh heh…”Condon”)
(Sorry)
Not the classiest of adapted signs but it works nonetheless. I wonder exactly how dangerous the doors really are. We’re constantly bombarded by warnings to “mind the closing doors” but I’m yet to see anyone decapitated by them. I once saw a commuter run to make a set of closing doors, his angle akin to a sprinter finishing a race, head down trying to cross the line first. His face, up to his ears at least, made the train as the doors shut but the rest of him was left trapped outside. Everyone in the carriage looked up to see his face squished between the doors. He managed a plaintive “Help me” before another passenger took the initiative and, using a manoeuvre that in pre-internet school days was known as “spamming” ( a kind of flat palm to forehead slap ) shoved his panicked face back out of the doors. He was left unharmed on the platform, albeit slightly embarrassed, with two black smears on either side of his head like painted on sideburns.
Spotted by Dew Alam
