I’m not speaking from any position of authority here when I say this but I am almost certain that this doll is cursed in some way. If it doesn’t have an actual curse on it I think we can all at least agree that is probably evil. Why? Well look at its face for starters, that and the fact it was found hanging about Highgate Woods. “No, that’s just what dolls looked like in the olden days” you might say. Fair enough, they did, but that still doesn’t stop them from looking evil. And think about it, have you ever, ever seen a single old black and white photograph of a child looking happy? Hmmm? No, you haven’t. Each photo that you’ve seen of an olden times child they always are wearing a slightly haunted expression, as if they have seen horror you can’t possibly imagine. Why? These kids are terrified of their own toys, they haven’t slept in weeks, they are plagued with nightmarish visions of waking up in the night to find tiny, cold porcelain hands wrapped around their throats. You look into those eyes and you see a child full of fear, incomprehension and a longing for “Tickle me Elmo” to be invented.
Perhaps the most terrifying thing is that the doll appears to have written this poster itself!
Spotted by Liesal South
You know that statistic that if you put a gun in bum you’re 98% more likely to be shot in the ass that someone who doesn’t….or something like that…well this guy obviously threw caution to the wind and stuck it up there anyway, for thrills or for simple storage isn’t exactly clear.
He could be one of those pro-gun nuts that has fetishised gun ownership to the point that he likes to be penetrated by firearms or he could have unwittingly been being used as a human silencer/smuggling device/manchurian candidate by a second party who at some point would subtly stick their hand into his ass and start pumping lead into an unsuspecting crowd.
Either way this person strikes me as a “I’ll give you my gun when you pry it from my cold, dead ass” kind of guy.
Spotted by Jonathan Buckmaster
There are so many charities these days sometimes it’s hard to keep track of what you’re donating to. Did you just drop your money into a collection to save the tiger or to shoot the tiger? Are you donating to an organisation that is helping street kids or that is enslaving them to work in some kind of Temple of Doom-esque mine? Frankly, who can be bothered to check anymore.
When I saw this photo my interest in charity was awoken again. The pooper people need your help London. I’m not sure what exactly they need our help with but it sounds urgent. As a cause it might not be a particularly easy sell to people. It lacks the cute/dying kids/animals angle that other charities exploit so well…and it’s about poop which traditionally people don’t like to discuss (except of course in that bemusing new “Do your scrunch or fold?” toilet paper campaign). Plus, and this is just a suggestion, I think their branding could do with a little work.
Spotted by Peter Blackwell
Pain and friendly advice aren’t two things you’d immediately associate with each other. In fact they seem totally at odds. The whole idea of friendly advice to give advice in a manner that puts the advisee at ease, in a mental place that’s comfortable and leaves the advisee open to new concepts and idea. This would all be ruined if say you went to visit a friendly lifestyle coach and they said “Nice to meet you, we’re going to work through some of your problems today and see if we can get you back on track….the one thing is, and I know this might sound unusual, you are going to have to be flogged mercilessly with barbed wire throughout the entire session. I know it sounds weird but the orders come from above, it’s out of my hands I’m afraid”
Spotted by Andy Issac
Is there a more romantic way to propose to your loved one then this? What woman would fail to be charmed by having a large photo of themselves in their underwear posted on a billboard by a busy road in Hammersmith? To be fair Michelina does look pretty amazing so she’s probably quite at ease with this public exposure and in fact I’m beginning to suspect that this may be the work of Michelina herself. Notice the lack of question mark, this gives the billboard a whole new sentiment. What was once a straightforward billboard proposal now looks like a demand from Michelina that some guy called Will marry her. She going for a full on, shock and awe approach by not only featuring a lingerie shot but also three other shots showing her from different angles, just so Will is left in no doubt whatsoever as to what he’ll be marrying.
I like this Michelina, she has balls, figuratively speaking. Will is a lucky man.
Spotted by Daniel Cameron