Dogs are great, don’t get me wrong. They prove a trusty companion in life, they’ll eagerly keep fetching sticks as long as keep throwing them and are such devoted littles divs that even if you abandon then at a service station car park in Wales they’ll find their way back home again….probably…and won’t hold it against you. The thing that bothers me with dogs is that unlike say, goldfish, hamsters or cats is that when you acquire a dog you are not only getting a companion but also a rock solid guarantee that for at least ten years, at the minimum of twice a day you’ll be picking up warm dog poo with a plastic bag you’re just praying doesn’t have a hole in it, a fact that this branch of Sainsburys seems to recognise.
…and who needs that kind of commitment in their life?
What an astounding deal from the good people at Asda! You can buy two Dr Oetker pizzas for the price or…erm…two. Actually looking again that’s not much of deal really but that’s not important as I wouldn’t buy these. Why? Well who buys food made by a doctor anyway, especially one with such a sinister sounding name. Dr Oetker sounds like the name of someone who should be carrying out questionable experiments in reanimating corpses in a grim Bavarian castle somewhere not producing “ristorante style” frozen pizzas.
Spotted by Andi McLoew
You know that statistic that if you put a gun in bum you’re 98% more likely to be shot in the ass that someone who doesn’t….or something like that…well this guy obviously threw caution to the wind and stuck it up there anyway, for thrills or for simple storage isn’t exactly clear.
He could be one of those pro-gun nuts that has fetishised gun ownership to the point that he likes to be penetrated by firearms or he could have unwittingly been being used as a human silencer/smuggling device/manchurian candidate by a second party who at some point would subtly stick their hand into his ass and start pumping lead into an unsuspecting crowd.
Either way this person strikes me as a “I’ll give you my gun when you pry it from my cold, dead ass” kind of guy.
Spotted by Jonathan Buckmaster
I love it when you see a newspaper headline so arresting that it slaps you about the face and takes you a few seconds to actually process what you’ve just read. This headline has it all, tragedy, obesity and sky diving, the holy triumvirate. It’s the kind of story that only comes along once in a journalists career. This manages to be both funny and deeply sad simultaneously. It’s such an improbable collection of words to see together on a headline board that it’s easy to forget that this represents something that happened to a real person in what was almost certainly quite an upsetting experience for somebody already under a cloud of grief. There are organs of mine that have just aged 5 years just by restraining my impulse to laugh at this but my conscience (that do gooding, butter-wouldn’t-melt swine) is telling me I shouldn’t, I’m worried enough about the state of my soul as it is.
Rarely have I felt so torn.
Spotted by Tim Gee
Shit Londoner Rose Chorlton sent this in from the front line of the battle to save the high street…
“Sorry for the bad quality but thought I should send this picture. You’ll need a little backstory to it though.
This grafiti has been sprayed onto the hoarding for where they are planning to build a Sainsbury’s local in Honor Oak Park. There has been much ‘protest’ about this (despite there being nothing of the sort in HOP), but they just love protesting (recently Domino’s was blocked from opening in the high street due to “the noise pollution from the motorcycles and the unhealthy lifestyle choices Domino’s represents”!). This particularly middle class quote from Richard III I loved best.”