I have a theory as to why this hand dryer may be broken. One friday night I was fortunate/unfortunate enough to witness a city worker, who had clearly over achieved on the alcohol front, unbelievably manage to mistake one of these Dyson hand dryers for a urinal. It’s difficult to tell who was more surprised at the time, the guy who mistakenly subjected his penis to an intense blast of high pressured air or the 6 or 7 other people who were suddenly enveloped in a fine mist of urine.
Spotted by Henry Cole
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.
This photo was submitted by Nick Anderson from the Facebook Shit London group. I think it’s pretty much a given that whoever own this number plate must be a tool of the highest order. I’d write more but I think the comments on the group say it all…
Time was when natural selection would’ve weeded out the people who through a simple genetic quirk weren’t meant for a long life on this planet. Now, thanks to signs like this one, these people have a fighting chance. Had this sign not existed then it would have almost certainly led to a lively demise for the kind of poor misguided soul who sees a sharp looking plant and is overwhelmed by an urge to consume it. Instead of this person thrashing about on the floor, slowly turning blue as they were destined to, they’ll have dodged a bullet here and be released into the wider world to find some new and equally improbable way to die, possibly taking some innocent people with them.
Think about it, there has to have been some kind of precedent set for this sign to exist in the first place. Someone must’ve eaten a pot plant somewhere, got ill and then tried to sue for negligence. That means that there are probably other people, perhaps at this very moment, wandering around airports and other public spaces eating purely decorative plants. None of those plants would have been put there for humans to satisfy a primal urge to forage and although prices in departure lounges are a merciless rip off I don’t think that fully explains the need for this sign at Gatwick. Instead I think a dangerous underclass of simpleton has been unwittingly created, through a culture of diminished personal responsibility, that would otherwise have been naturally thinned through incidents like licking live rails, attempting to befriend chaotic pieces of heavy machinery or by enthusiastically chugging Cillit Bang.
It can only get worse. If we carry on like this we’ll soon have signs on alternating lamp posts reminding people to breathe in and breathe out.
It’s elf n’ safety gawn mad I tell ya!
Spotted by Georgia Kuhn
* The phrase “Health and Safety gone mad” used with the kind permission of the Daily Mail
Now I’ve never been to Ipswich (it’s on my list of places to see before I die…somewhere I’m sure) so I can’t say whether this is a reasonable thing to do or not.
Have you been to Ipswich? What is it like? Does it deserve this kind of shabby treatment?
Spotted by Mark Cousens
Here is a stunning vision of the future on display at Clapham Junction. I think we can all agree this is fairly breathtaking. There’s a glass roof, a couple of big grey things and…not much else. Certainly no seats, as one passer by has decided to point out.
I’m a fan of these mock ups and especially the people they photoshop in. Next time you pass one of these outside a building site have a closer look at the people photoshopped into the architects vision, you might find something unusual. I was at an airport in Morrocco once and was looking at one of these for a new terminal they were building. A few of the figures looked familiar, very familiar. On closer inspection I saw that the grey haired man looking around the duty free shop was Al Pacino. Will Smith and family were sailing through passport control. Bruce Springsteen was waiting for a cab outside whilst Tom Hanks (as Forrest Gump) sat on a nearby bench. Whoever had composited the picture had taken paparazzi photos of Hollywood stars and peppered them all over the airport, perhaps to add a touch of glamour. It was excellent.