Plant, Gatwick Airport

Posted on by Patrick in Shit London Photo, Transport, Weird | 2 Comments

Plant, Gatwick Airport

Time was when natural selection would’ve weeded out the people who through a simple genetic quirk weren’t meant for a long life on this planet. Now, thanks to signs like this one, these people have a fighting chance. Had this sign not existed then it would have almost certainly led to a lively demise for the kind of poor misguided soul who sees a sharp looking plant and is overwhelmed by an urge to consume it. Instead of this person thrashing about on the floor, slowly turning blue as they were destined to, they’ll have dodged a bullet here and be released into the wider world to find some new and equally improbable way to die, possibly taking some innocent people with them.

Think about it, there has to have been some kind of precedent set for this sign to exist in the first place. Someone must’ve eaten a pot plant somewhere, got ill and then tried to sue for negligence. That means that there are probably other people, perhaps at this very moment, wandering around airports and other public spaces eating purely decorative plants. None of those plants would have been put there for humans to satisfy a primal urge to forage and although prices in departure lounges are a merciless rip off I don’t think that fully explains the need for this sign at Gatwick. Instead I think a dangerous underclass of simpleton has been unwittingly created, through a culture of diminished personal responsibility, that would otherwise have been naturally thinned through incidents like licking live rails, attempting to befriend chaotic pieces of heavy machinery or by enthusiastically chugging Cillit Bang.

It can only get worse. If we carry on like this we’ll soon have signs on alternating lamp posts reminding people to breathe in and breathe out.

It’s elf n’ safety gawn mad I tell ya!

Spotted by Georgia Kuhn

* The phrase “Health and Safety gone mad” used with the kind permission of the Daily Mail

Takeaway, Catford

Posted on by Patrick in Restaurants, Shit London Photo, South | Leave a comment

Takeaway, Catford

Shit Londoner Simon Gretton sent in this photo saying…

“I saw this on the way to PC world in Catford on the weekend, something quite funny about the massive presumptuousness of the owners of this place, but equally it could be very nice? Catford dichotomy…”

I like the phrase “Catford dichotomy”, it has a nice ring to it like “Bermuda triangle”

Light Meal, West Ealing

Posted on by Patrick in Shit London Photo, Signs, West | Leave a comment

Light Meal, West Ealing

I like lamps and have several placed around my house which provide me with all the light I need. I prefer them to the oppressive light cast by overhead bulbs. My point is that even though I like lamps I’m not sure I could eat a whole one.

Spotted by Steve Gray

Train, Liverpool Street

Posted on by Patrick in East, Graffiti, Signs, The City, Toilets, Transport | Leave a comment

Train, Liverpool Street

Now I’ve never been to Ipswich (it’s on my list of places to see before I die…somewhere I’m sure) so I can’t say whether this is a reasonable thing to do or not.

Have you been to Ipswich? What is it like? Does it deserve this kind of shabby treatment?

Spotted by Mark Cousens

Tree, Herne Hill

Posted on by Patrick in Bleak, Local Government, Shit London Photo, South | Leave a comment

Tree, Herne Hill

Shit Londoner Josh Burrows spotted this in Herne Hill and sent it this way saying…

“This confused me for a long time. I mean, it doesn’t LOOK like a tree, it doesn’t FEEL like a tree, I couldn’t CLIMB this tree and yet there could be no mistaking that this was…a tree. Perhaps it’s a little like René Magritte’s Ceci n’est pas une pipe but even deeper and more progressive. Or maybe this is the future of urban regeneration: send men round with white paint and instructions to label grey and depressing parts of the city with nice things like ‘tree’, ‘flower’ or perhaps ‘community garden’.”

Josh may have a point there. In these austere times I could see this catching on. I only hope that certain councils aren’t reading this blog otherwise they’ll almost certainly take that idea and run with it.